This post is definitely more for my thoughts to be shared, I have a lot on my mind and my hope is that others can gain something from this. I hope this isn't scattered and unclear, but I feel inspired to share a personal perspective and the peace I find through a talk by Elder Holland.
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1997/04/because-she-is-a-mother?lang=eng
if this above link doesn't work, the talk is Because she is a mother found on lds.org
As women I think we all have those days where our self esteem just takes a hit, at times it so powerful that its almost like a knife is inching its way in. It also seems that us as women are the ones that cut are way in to others. Life is hard I have moments where I just feel like my worth is being challenged. I know that this is workings of Satan and that he knows the times when I'm at my lowest. One such incident happened this past Sunday. I've mentioned before how I'm a nursery leader with my husband. Well nursery has been getting quite crazy lately with the increase of children. I've left feeling at times, man that was a terrible day, I sure hope those children got something out of our lesson and that they felt loved. When you have two children crying in both your arms and 12 other kids not getting attention, I feel sad for those neglected. This pass week I felt lost, overwhelmed and in a way not needed. We were in there and much like a child takes a toy from another child, I was constantly having my responsibility taken away from me. I felt useless like do these other leaders and parents not think I'm capable of my calling. I resulted at times volunteering to take children to the bathroom or fill the water pitcher just so I could get away and not burst out in tears right then and there. Instead of taking control I sat back and built up anger. Needless to say I didn't even make it home with out crying. My husband is good in the fact that he knows that I'm not ready to talk and just takes me in his arms and hugs tight. He will ask me what's up and keeps squeezing until I can finally open up. I voiced (high volume voice of anger ) two things that I'm sure everyone has felt at one time.
If I'm called of God for this calling why do others not think I'm capable
Do I have to be a Mother for people to think I'm worthy of this calling
We sat on the couch and Daniel just was like you are called of God and he knows that you are a mother that's why he wanted you in this calling. I knew you would make a good mother that's why I married you. You are going to be a mother someday. Isn't he the greatest!
I needed to hear this desperately, I've been promised a lot in various blessings that I will be a mother and that it is a calling I will hold highest.
Now I'll bring in this talk and how it has to play into this story. My sister had posted this talk a few weeks ago on Facebook and I loved it. I started to think about it this morning and decided to listen again (actually twice). The T: will represent the Talk and M: will be my thoughts
T:Elder Holland speaks to the women who dearly want to be mothers and promises the blessing will not be upheld.
M: I want to be a mother someday and I will be, I am at times to these nursery children. I even have a few that call me mom and its hard to correct them because its a nice feeling to be called mom.
T: He also comments that the very center of Heavenly Fathers work is the teaching of the children. M:So my nursery calling is the center of his work, whether they get anything out of the lessons it is his work.
T: Mothers run on fatigue, because they are giving to others
M: I've mentioned before that I feel like my calling is set in place so that parents can go to there classes. I think of the days when I'm tired after having there kids for 2 hours they must have fatigue when they have them for much longer.
T: The calling of a mother is uniquely yours and to everything there is a season and every purpose also. It is worth it.
M: I know that my calling is set for me, I've been in nursery a few times and I love those children. The age of a toddler is just fun, the lessons set for them are simple and so is the gospel. I think remembering that things happen for a reason and in there own time is so hard to remember. I'll be honest at times I'm jealous of a mom who is holding her baby and doesn't offer the holding possibilities to you. It's something that I hope I'm aware of when I have children, to let others hold your children especially those who are childless. I've only been married a short time but hurt for those who struggle to have a family for many years and I'm sure they feel ten times as hurt when a child is not offered for them to hold. I love that he uses the phrase everything has a season, because patience is the key to things working out.
T: "Through the thick and thin of this, and through the occasional tears, I know deep down inside I'm doing gods work" a mom who wrote to Holland
M: I agree completely in regards to my calling. It's so frustrating at times but its his work and the tears are just proof of my love for the children and wanting them to get the best out of class.
T: He reminds mothers you are magnificent, your are doing terrifically will. The fact that your have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your father in heaven has in you.
M: I found this part of his talk very touching. I became overwhelmed with tears and peace at the same time. This is important to remember not only in a calling but any responsibility we may have in life. I feel like the words he spoke were very similar to what my husband told me.
T: If you will show others, including your children, the same caring compassionate, forgiving heart, if you try your best to be the best, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that god expects you to do.
M: This is a great reminder to me that I need to be an example, I need to be caring, and forgiving (even to the people who made me feel so little and hurt on Sunday) I need to be my best or I can't expect the best. I've learned that children pick up on things from adults and you have to be a good example so that they will be good.
This talk and writing out my feelings really helped me, I hope that this can help someone else who may be having a hard day.
