I've often been told that a blog is much like a journal and can be used for personal relief in the form of venting. Today I feel the need to do so, not only for my own sake but maybe for someone else coping with a same issue. I'm not the same person I used to be, I feel the change. I have gained this buddie (more like enemy) that leaves me worried and filled with anxiety. I'm not gonna say that I have anxiety but I do have moments where my thoughts make me anxious and worried. It really is like having a controlling friend, I can't seem to shake the feelings I have. Its nerve racking, I've had break downs where all I can do is cry to my husband. I'm grateful he's there to listen, Its like I'm experiencing this because he's in my life now. He's definatley my strength to overcome. I struggle with Migraines and the constant fear of having one makes me sick, sick to the point that I probably cause my Migraines. I don't know what to do anymore to relieve them except cry. So on to my title of the post (I wish I was the Boss).
Not only do I feel sometimes like I'm not the boss of my body and have to remind myself I am, I also wish I was my own boss at work. I had a Migraine yesterday that left me with uneasyness and fear today. I just wasn't feeling work today, everything was making me upset just the idea of helping stupid mean people today made me want to scream. So I messaged my boss told her I just was not feeling good and would need to leave. She messages me back and says well you may have to wait until everyone has had there lunches. (HELLO WOMEN I JUST TOLD YOU I DON'T FEEL GOOD) no I didnt say this to her but I said I will try. They immediately after i get 1300 in one dollar bills. (YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME) Fighting through my tears to get through it and becoming a nervous wreck I get done and reply to my boss I can't stay. Don't hear anything back until like 10 min later the assistant comes and says you'll have to wait until the afternoon boy comes in early to cover you (HELLO WOMEN I DON'T FEEL GOOD ). What the crap is wrong with people. I know there trying to run a business, but people get sick people can't control some sicknesses. If I was a boss, I would be sympathetic to peoples needs. Why did they need me to stay when they had more then enough people there and two managers who can fill in and you have ths teller here whos been in the back balling her eyes out calling her husband and is struggling to give your members the help they need. It takes a lot of nerve and courage to call in sick or even request to leave early. Its embarassing to say the least. Its embarassing to be crying and see them witness it. I'm humiliated, I don't know how to go back and not be embarassed.
Sorry for the venting but sometimes crying just doesn't help all your anger get out. So I ask those who want to respond, what gets you going after being down? What helps you when your struggling with worry and fear?
Just remember YOU ARE LOVED!!! And it's just a job And they're just people and dont really matter...what matters is you and your health and whats really important in life. Sometimes its ok to say "no" and "I can't" and I'm sure they realize that you don't do that often and that youre dependable and truly an asset to their business. I wish you were the boss too - you'd be the best!! Love you and please let me know If I can help ya with anything. Oh and I'll send ya a cute pic, maybe that will help cheer you up
ReplyDeleteHey Ju...this is mom. It will show up as if it is Megan...since I don't have a account! hah hah.
ReplyDeleteIm so sorry you are going through these hard times in your life right now. As your mom, it hurts to see you hurt and even more to feel like I somewhat understand your pain and can't do a thing to take it away. I know the stress this job can be on you, the pressure of doing everything very correctly and the guilt and worry of calling in sick or asking for time off or to go home. It is funny what stress and worry can do to our mind and body...and trying to figure out how to deal with it, is the hard part. Im grateful you have a kind husband that will listen and work it out with you and supports you. I agree with Megan, it is ok to say "no" and "I can't" ...it is ok to put limits on what you can and can't do. There are so many options out there for you at your age and with your strengths and talents. I have all the confidence in you, that you can do what ever you set your mind to doing! But right now it is most important to know we all love and support you and what ever you and Daniel feel is right for you to do. Your dad and I will ALWAYS be here for you. LOVE U!